Friday, April 06, 2007

hello! i am back. (: hah. much have happened since the last time i've blogged. i'm happy to have friends there for me. nic, jia, joshua and russell have put much happiness into my life. (: and not to forget benny, twin and the rest. i would like to thank rina too for knocking some sense into my head. making me realise something i didnt at first. met up with her yesterday after school. i miss her terribly. (: we went around talking, drinking bubble tea and did some window shopping. went to our favourite food place. SUSHI TEI! hah. we took the longest time ever to eat. and we were like so full after eating. think she's coming later to stay over at my place. and i guess she's still sleeping or having picnic now. hah. her mom is still as cute. she can never remember my name. so she calls me 'the once with the cute brother. ' (:

something bad happened over the week. and i am sick and tired of quarreling. seriously. just take the damn money. it's yours. you argue with me why i should pay and now you tell me you dont want me to pay. come on lahs. you need the money then just take it. dont come and turn the whole thing around and make us go through the same fucking thing again. and stop saying that i hate you or what so ever. cause it just seems like i'm the one forcing you to give in to me. now, all you have to do is get your facts right. you know. when you talk about something. you end up saying it in one circle and back again in another circle. but both are of different meanings. that's what pissed me off cause i dont even know whether i should believe what you said. which set of words you want me to believe. the first or the second? and there's no link whether i have my friends to back me up and you have amelia to back you up. NO LINK! and dont bring in the fact that your dad is not doing well to me cause in this kind of society, which business is not doing well. onc min you say you need me to pay cause your dad is having financial diff. later tell me no, it's because he's not doing well in his business. if since your family is not doing well, why do you still have to spend so much on cosmetic. it's because you want to. not because you need to or must have. still i see no link! you brought in the fact that you told me upon knowing that the pouch was found. yes. i am grateful for that. this shows that our friendship was built on honesty. but so what has it got to do with me that i have to pay you? the pouch is found. and now you have 2 sets. even better. i went to find out how long all those stuff expires. please. it's not as if it expires within half a year. so are you like trying to fool me since you know i know nuts about cosmetic? you couldnt even give me a good rationale why i should pay you since the pouch is found. you just keep going back to the fact that if it's not for me who lose your pouch, such things wouldnt have happened and if it didnt you wont have 2 sets. this is not a good reason for me to pay you. whatever it is. just take the money. you know. it not only annoys me or irritates me. it frustrates me when you have to keep pushing and pushing and pushing. excuse me. i only have such limits to everything i can take. i never mean it before in my life when i tell someone enough is enough. you pushed me to the extend to tell you to shut up. and still you dont get it and continue to push. you said you care about me, worry that i dont have money to eat. since when did you? everytime you message me the first thing i see is : jo, have you called the person yet/ remember to call the person okay. everytime you call me : did you call the person? is this called caring about me? more like you care about yourself. you indirectly say i am selfish. say that i care about myself, anything that has to do with me. my studies, my cca, my friends. say that i am self-centred. then arent you my friend? wasnt i trying to get the money to pay you? i hate to be in debt. and i never like to borrow money from people. that's why the more i shut myself away so that i wont have to go out and spend money. you said i didnt care about you. since when have i not? you said i am trying to push my responsibility away. since when? i just didnt see a point to pay you since the pouch is found. i dont see my fault now. it's totally different from pushing my blame away.

you said you drank ice water when you went to thai express that day with your friends. you didnt eat. and when your friends ask you is it you dont have money. you feel bad. if that's the case you can choose not to go. why do you have to put yourself in that kind of situation when you can avoid it. i can turn my friends down when they ask me out and give them a reason that i have to save money. why cant you? it's not even embarrassing. all you thought of was to be part of what they were doing. even so, you get affected. if they are really your friends, i think they will change their plans so that you wont have to spend so much money. if my friends can do it, why cant yours? you tell me you take taxi cause you are lazy to walk home. then if you are so lazy, then dont go to school. dont go out. so you dont have to take that long walk out of your house. you may think i am being crude. but this is how i really feel. i feel that there's no such need to keep it all inside me and swallow them down. i see no such need to why i shouldnt tell you. you know what. i dont think i have changed. but it's you who have changed. a good example is you put on make up now when you go out but you didnt do that in the past. i dont know how to talk to you anymore jean. everytime i'm telling myself. sit down and listen to her what she has to say. dont tell me it's message tone. it's bullshit. the words are there. the meanings are conveyed. i dont care what tone it is in. after you come and say that your family is not as rich as mine. what bullshit. there's no room for you to come and compare your family assets to mine. NO LINK! i did my part of reflecting and i think it's time for you to do that. there's no need to self reproach yourself after i said i will pay you. cause it just all seems like you are just giving in to me.

 

 ♥ 1:04 PM